listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
My feet surprised me
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
