He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
