The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
This house was built for laser tag.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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