I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm too high and old for this...
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
