Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
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