Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
