with your own penis?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I wear drunk well.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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