Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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