Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
