he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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