he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
