Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
