its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
