the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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