I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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