She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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