a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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