So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Im just a social blackout drinker.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
