Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
