it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
