So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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