3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
just tell him i said nine months
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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