I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
