I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
