I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
