i wish starbucks made bloody marys
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
How external is "for external use only"?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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