I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
People in love make me want to vomit
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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