So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
