I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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