So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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