He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
And the cops told us we were all naked.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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