my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
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