I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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