He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
