Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
