Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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