i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
