My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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