Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
