oh god the rape fog is back!
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
