please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
