I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
