Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
