using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
