Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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