I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
