Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
