maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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