If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I need to align my fucking chakras
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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