I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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