the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
