Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
