see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
